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I, by nature, am not a manipulative person. I don’t like imposing on people and I don’t find ways to get them to do what I want. I simply ask, tell or request and put up with the yes or no answer. Sure, I may be a bit slow in asking and nervous and anxious about it, but eventually, I get around to it.

This is part of the reason I am asking my boyfriend to marry me. I’m gonna ask, and hope for a happy answer. That’s it. Shit, or get off the pot. We’ve discussed marriage a bit, but in no concrete terms. I have not prodded or dropped hints, although we joke about these things all the time.

Me, observing: “Oh, god, look at those hideous ass pom-pom decorations on that wedding car”

Him: “Is that a hint?”

And so forth.

Today, the awesome Dodai at Jezebel alerted me to an article in the New York Post (that fine upstanding publication) with 5 dos and don’ts for “getting him to the altar”. It’s actually a list compiled by the Lori Uscher-Pines who wrote “The Get-Your-Man-to-Marry-You Plan: Buying the Cow in the Age of Free Milk.” Coincidentally, this book comes out tomorrow.

The book includes tips on:

  • How to know if it’s really time to push for a ring
  • The difference between me excuses, you excuses and institution of marriage excuses
  • The “severity” scale of common male excuses, and the associated tactics for changing his mind
  • Behavior fouls not to make on the¬†quest for a proposal

Uh…”quest for a proposal”…?!

The don’ts: Don’t become your boyfriend’s therapist. Don’t have friends ask him about marriage and lobby for you. Don’t withhold things, like sex, to get the ring. Don’t go public with your anger at not being engaged. Don’t go crazy emotional at other people’s weddings because they have what you do not.

The dos: Do talk about your expectations and hopes for the future. Spend time with other happy couples.¬† Do break down barriers; he says he can’t afford the ring? Tell him you don’t need one. Create dependency. Do carry on with your life. (Okay, she actually says to initiate major life change, but I just read it as CARRYING ON WITH YOUR DAY TO DAY LIVING)

Now, this is angering on a lot of levels. I hate that it preys on women with little self confidence. I also question how come none of these options are on the list: be patient and wait, leave him or ask him yourself? Or, the most obvious: get pregnant. If we’re gonna play hardball here…

Joking aside, if it’s something that’s important to you, you should find someone who it is also important to. Not someone you have to set it all up for and show him the way to. Men aren’t dumb. They just sometimes aren’t that into it. No book or recipe for engagement chicken is going to change his opinion on things.

NYPost: Make Your Moove: Top 5 Dos and Don’ts to get him to the altar

Jezebel: Writer Suggests Manipulating Your Man into Marriage