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When I first started this blog, it was my absolute intention for it not to be too, well, bloggy. I did not want to spend too much time riding the roller coaster of “should I? shouldn’t I?” with regards to proposing. It’s tiresome to me; I cannot imagine how tiresome it would be to read.

My idea to propose came at a very high point in my relationship with my beau. I don’t mean to say that our relationship has weakened or suffered in recent times, it’s just been a long eight months since I first got that inkling I should maybe try my luck in this crazy game of love. We’ve had to endure some difficult moments as a couple against the big bad world, and the weathering of those events has made me love my partner in crime even more.

My boyfriend and I have both been seriously ill in the time since our return from our extended holiday in late February, not the first time for me, but the first time for me to see my man get seriously ill. I’ve never felt so protective, nor such an innate feeling to heal and help. It was shocking to me, to be honest.

We’ve both helped our family members through some serious grief. We’ve both lost grandmothers this summer, and him, now a grandfather this week. He’s away in California at the funeral as I type this, and I can’t help but feel lonely and plagued with thoughts that will not stop.

This feels like the right time, but is it the right time? Perhaps it’s too close to times of grief. Perhaps we’ve undergone so much change lately we need a bit of stability. And yet, perhaps these times of sadness are the right time for there to be a happy event…

Too many thoughts on a lonely, windy and cold night. As I’ve written before, the time is near, but the neurotic side of me wants it to be the absolute right time.

I’m not sure it exists. If that is true, it would be a huge realization and personal change for me to just jump in and get ‘er done. I do not know if others around me would be proud, but I should would be.

Midway through autumn, and a trip to Las Vegas with friends has been planned for the winter. I’m nearing completion on my handcrafted proposal, so I think the time is almost here to ask the fated question.

Stay tuned.